3. Rage

Today's activity was to meditate and look over the words from yesterday, what we believe they mean and what other people think they mean - and think of a problematic word that was a common theme. Going into this, I thought my words - hands down - would be anxiety or, perhaps, sadness or fear because of what happened to me when I was 14. But, to my surprise, what I felt was fierce, intense anger; rage.

Even though it seemed as if we were supposed to think of how these words meant to us in our lifetimes, my mind went further back then that. The Burning Times and Salem are just two of the countless persecutions of people like me and people who were even suspected of being like me. This has filled me with endless sadness since I learned about it years ago, but - apparently - I'm also extremely angry.

As sympathetic and understanding as I try to be - I just can not respect violent people. Even the threat of violence instantly pushes my buttons. From the grown man who told me - a 14 year old girl at the time - that he was going to hang me that I was a witch, to the people who stoned, burned, hung and otherwise brutally murdered people for what?

If I was a violent person, I could be a hypocrite and hold onto this anger and lash out at those who wish to harm me; but that's not the person I am. I knew that, no matter how justified I felt for being this way, that I had to let it go.

I carved the word "rage" into my candle three times. Not necessarily because that's the "magic number," but because I felt that once just wasn't enough to put all of my intention into it. I put it into my little makeshift candle holder, as I don't have one for a tapered candle, and lit it. The candle holder was glass and had little pebbles and dirt from my front yard in it. I wanted this thing buried as soon as possible.

I waited until the candle burned out to write this blog, wanting to report my feelings of ease. This was a very simple ritual, something I have actually done before, and it's never failed me so I was especially excited to do this. When I think of the bad experiences I've had regarding those words, and even the horrible things that happened long before I was born, I don't feel anger anymore. I am saddened for those in the past, but I feel immense hope for the future. Things are shifting, and I've never been as one with it as I am now.

As T said, 2014 is the year of the witch.

Blessed Be

~N