1. A Few Surprising Discoveries

For my daily activity, I went to the nature park by my college - somewhere I've gone countless times since the age of 14 as the high school I went to is right across the street. If I had a car, I would have gone to Mt. Rainier - an amazing dormant volcano about an hour's drive away that I have always been fascinated with - but I had to make a compromise for this park with a view of the mountain in the south. It's times like these that I'm so thankful to live in Washington. Even in a city like mine, nature parks are never too far away.

There's a small lake that flows through the park I was in, and so I made myself at home on one of the banks with my back against the base of a tree. Looking around me - the park was so familiar yet I realize something new about it every single time I visit. Last time, it was the lily pads - this time it was the daphnia in the water before me. I stuck my hand in to see them better, their tiny bodies almost impossible to see in the murky water, and I understood why they were called sand fleas.
Ready to get on with my meditation, I took my hand out of the water and moved so my back was conformed to the way of tree. I closed my eyes and let myself "breathe" with the tree, my "roots" spreading and intertwining with it's roots - an anchor for myself to come back to.
I focused on my connections - first on things as something startling came up. I am so afraid of Mt. Rainier erupting. I never gave it much thought before, at least not consciously - only seeing beauty when I look at the big mountain - but it was the first thing that came to mind as soon as I tried to connect with it. A few years ago I watched a mini documentary about the likelihood of it erupting, and what would happen if it did. The consequences would be disastrous, it's true, but I put it away as something that wouldn't happen in my life time... at least, that's what I thought. This fear is something I'm going to have to work through as leaving fear alone will only make it fester.
What didn't surprise me was that, when it came to people, my strongest and quickest connections were to both my sister and my best friend. Born when I was almost 9, I watched my sister grow up into the intelligent, gorgeous 13 year old girl she is today - and there's not a doubt in my mind that we will always be inextricably connected by blood and spirit. My best friend, my soul sister, has been the only person in my life to never judge me for a single thing - more often than not being just as odd, if not more, than I am.
My weakest connection is with my mother, which I feel so so about. Part of me was surprised, as she is my mother, but on the same coin I was almost expecting it. My mom and I get along far better than we used to, but our conversations are mainly superficial - rarely going beneath the surface. I have been trying to change this for the past couple of years - but she is usually busy doing this or that and there's only so much I can give.
It didn't occur to me until I read Gypsy's blog that, for the full 30 minutes I was there, I didn't once try to connect with strangers and I'm often like that in real life as well. If I'm in a class with a person, or if someone asks me for directions on the street, I'm friendly and sociable - at least compared with my previous high anxiety agoraphobic self - but when it comes to complete strangers I never make the first move. I never put myself out there, but I do feel a shift. It won't happen overnight, but things are changing.
And on the final note, I'm super stoked! And not just for YAAD. When I got home, I saw that my mom had picked up two books she knew I had been wanting to read at the library.

I'm gonna be a busy, spiritual bee this weekend =)

Bright Blessings!

~N