Thursday, November 21, 2013

0. Pre-YAAD Contemplations and Encouraging Tarot

Year and a Day starts tomorrow... and I don't think I've ever been more ready than I am right now. I have a knack of starting something and then not finishing it, my shelf full of half-written manuscripts is proof, but I need to do this. After studying for about a decade and then a year of, admittedly, half-assed practice - it's time to dig deep and really start this path that I've been too anxious to go on, until now that is. I've always told myself I'm not smart, pretty, wise, old, young or skinny enough to do things - and that's bullshit. Yes, I'm new to practicing, but everyone has to start somewhere and I'm done with the excuses and being afraid of my own shadow.
Some wonder what took me so long to practice, and I often wonder the same thing. I first found Wicca when I was 12 years old and instantly felt attracted to it. Not only was it taboo to everything my grandparents taught me, having grown up in their Baptist home, but it touched on things that I knew deep down to be true as I've always had a strong connection with nature and, regardless of what I had been taught, a belief in magic. I absorbed everything I could until I hit a wall when I was 14. A friend's father had found out about my beliefs and one day when I walked to the bus stop to go to school, he was there. He went face to face with me and asked if I was a witch - and I froze, having rarely been that scared of anyone in my life. When I didn't give him an answer, he proceeded to threaten to hang me if I ever went near my friend, his daughter, again.
Now, of course I told my mom and she called the police and this was handled - but it was enough to make me all but drop Wicca entirely. I still picked up a book from time to time to study, still did my meditations - but the fast track had come to an abrupt halt. That is, until about this time last year.
Having dropped the Wicca title, I didn't call myself anything but "spiritual." I wasn't in school then and I felt the call to do more meditations than I usually did - locked up in my room to the point where my family was starting to worry, and then it happened. I was called to come out of my shell and to start walking my spiritual path that I had been stuck at the start for far too long. I felt a connection with something and a name came to mind that, at the time, I didn't recognize; Nekhbet. After my meditations, being in the modern era, a quick Google search brought up this magnificent Goddess of upper Egypt - a protector of the Pharoah, a carrier of the Shen (Eternal Protection) Ring, and a Mother Goddess as well. I instantly felt a connection, and continue to work with her today - though admittedly not as well as I should as coming out of my shell proved to be a lot more difficult than I had thought.
That brings me to today, inspired to start this journey and forever grateful that there is a community that I can talk to as I don't know any Pagans in my area, at least ones that I get along with. This blog will mainly be focused on my Year and a Day work, though there is bound to be some extra stuff tagged along as everything is connected though I will try to stick to the appropriate theme ha I do hope to post everyday, every other day at least in case school and work get busy.
Now, onto something that gave me the chills with Tarot, in a good way - though I'm not entirely sure I should be excited though it does seem unlikely. I found it funny that Sunshine posted a three card spread of her finances today because I actually did the same - though I posted no picture. My spread was the King of Swords, Wheel of Fortune, and the 5 of Hearts (Cups). This was fine and, as usual, I shuffled the cards and put them away for a few minutes as I wrote down what I felt in my Tarot Journal. Then, after that, I reshuffled the cards, cut the deck, and picked a card for my "card of the day" and it was the King of Swords, the very first card I had picked previously. I haven't been doing Tarot for long at all, and perhaps I am being silly, but it just struck me that I had picked the same card which has never happened before and, loving math, deduced that the chances of doing a three card spread and then picking one of those cards out of a 78 card deck like I had is a mere 3.85% chance...
Have I mentioned how inspired I am? =)
Blessed be.
~N

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